Maybe mama was right.

there's something not quite right with that ****. If she said it once, she said it a thousand times. Cause of all the boys come around looking for me.

and then the beatings from *****. The whippings, and him calling me a whore. He come home early one night, mean *****, and caught me with that boy from downstate. We fucked for an hour in the backseat of *****'s car.
that was then, before I run away.

but now I got a longing for rope, wire, ligature. Fix. I love the dread, the high afterward. The silent ache.
"it would be so easy for me to kill you," he said when he had me tied so tight and helpless and in the air above the water.

i thrilled, scared, crazy with want. My nipples tingled. My breasts burned from the ropes, how he wrapped them so the nipples stuck out. I got good breasts. Round, soft, and my nipples are dark and go hard at nothing more than a look from him.
i went sloppy wet when he said that about killing me. I smelled my own cunt, fevered, open, waiting.

maybe this time he'll slip, I think. He'll make a mistake. He'll tighten the wire just a little too tight. He'll leave me under too long. I stare at his pants. He's hard. His prick wants me. I want his prick. I want it in my mouth, fucking my throat, *******, gagging.

fix, baby.

i want him to spray himself all over my face. Yeah. That's what I want.
but first he's going to have his fun. He milks me. He gets off on that, suction cups on my nipples, my breasts. He wants my tits to **** to the floor, he says. He's a fucking freak. And this is how he makes love to me.

"you're useful," he says, tasting the fluid he siphoned from my nipples. "like a cow is useful." he pats my rump. "my own little cow."

but now he's lowering my body into water, warm, enclosing. He's ******** me, smothering. He grabs my nipples. He buries his hand in my cunt.

something's wrong with that ****, mama said back then.

i moan.

"squeal like a piggy."

he slips a metal hook in my ass.

"squeal for *****."

i squirm.

"i **** little piggies from the ass."

water. Rising up my sides.

"but first, bad little piggies have to ," he says. And there's something in his voice this time, even though he's me before. A tremor in his voice, a little something extra. My body drops lower into the water. He fucks my cunt and ass with his hands harder than ever before, banging my head against the side of the tub. I'm fire. I'm flame. Something not real, something weightless, empty, undone.

he grabs my neck and pushes me under, ******* me.
i struggle. I squeal like a piggy. But it's all just bubbles. Round silver dollars, like balloons rising through the water. And gazing upward, I watch him jerk off, watch it squirt then dribble and dissolve.

i lie in silence. Time slows.

no more bubbles now. And i'm so cold. The water has gone dark.